The One That I Tell You Too Much

I'm going to pretend that I actually have a reader left and assume you've also been reading my occasional tweets and maybe you even know me IRL and have seen my facebook.  I think I may have even explained PCOS once or twice here on this very blog.  If this is the case, then you know that I'm going through a bit of a battle with the goddess of fertility. 

Here's the basic jist of how things go once I figured out I just couldn't get drunk and laid and knocked up one crazy night:

• I know I can't get pregnant normal, so as soon as we are married, I/we stop using all protection (for a little under 2 years) 
• I found a good doc who just so happens to be located 1.5 hours away in Cincinnati.  A pain in the ass, but worth it if all this works.
• The doctor put me on a treatment for the PCOS, diet, exercise, and Metformin.  Metformin is a diabetes drug, and I've actually had to fend off the CareAllies of my insurance company with a stick to prove to them I'm not actually a diabetic.  Yet.  She (in this case) hoped that I would get a regular cycle back with the Metformin. 
• When my cycle didn't come back normally, she asked me if I wanted to have kids.  I debated it with my husband and we decided to go ahead and do the regular genetic testing that everyone gets done but wait until summer to start trying with fertility meds.
• Around Thanksgiving, I decided I didn't want to wait that long, I wanted to get the show on the road.  My step-sister finds out she is 20, not married and pregnant.
• I try to see a ob/gyn up here but she tells me a week before I'm ready to start Clomid that I can't start it because my testosterone is too high.  See definition for PCOS.
• In March, I start my first round of low dose 50 mg Clomid. I start peeing on sticks relgiously.  I get a cycle day 14 ultrasound.  I have one follicle greater than 20mm(going to ovulate).  I pee on another stick.  It's negative.
• In April, I try 100mg of Clomid, hoping to produce two follicles.  I produce none.  I am crushed.
• I make my husband get tested.  He is normal.  Of course.
• In May, I switch to a different drug Femara 7.5mg, a pretty high dose. I have two follicles and decide to do an HCG trigger shot and intrauterine insemination (IUI). It's negative.
• I have an HSG test done to make sure my fallopian tubes are open.  They are.
• In June, I stay with the same dose, just went for my CD14 ultrasound yesterday and I have two follicles.  My second IUI is tomorrow. *fingers crossed*

I guess I just grossly underestimated how HARD this was going to be.  There is so much to think about, test, explain, and be concerned with.  And there are so many people to get annoyed with when they say, it will happen when you least expect it....or it will happen when you stop trying.  That could very well be the case, but I don't know about you, I get EXHAUSED just reading all of those bullet points.  Trying living the life people. Really. 

I'm sure that I'm learning valuable lessons in this situation, but I just feel like I'm falling and no one is going to be there to catch me.  This on top of the everyday stressors is about enough to make anyone crack, and do you want to know the best part?  I'm not supposed to DRINK.  Seriously? How do they expect me to get through all of this unmedicated?  Argh.  So please forgive me if my blogs or tweets are just way TMI.  I need an outlet and Internet, you've never failed me yet.

I wish I knew of a better way to navigate the infertility jungle, but right now, I'm just clinging to a vine and trying to stay positive and not fall off.